On Authroc's Wing
II
Radical Acceptance
(Shard III)
(Shard III)
Qathalla was beginning its descent toward the summit of the taller mesa, which jarred Leiros back to reality once more. He looked down to the gathering of students as they all looked up at him in unison. The two initiates stood with contempt upon their faces and one had his arms crossed over his chest. His mind began to reel at the guilt he felt for leaving them waiting so long. He knew from his own studies when he was younger how important the first impression of a teacher was. These next moments meant everything when it came to earning their respect.
Leiros closed his eyes as Qathalla began to beat its wings against the updrafts surrounding the Stohll mesa. He began to construct a new personality out of the same sea of mercury that made up his thoughts. He brought up his mental defenses and wove them into the fabric of this new self. He decided to construct a rakish and devil-may-care sort of personality to keep any of the more telepathically inclined students at bay.
He reached into his own memories to pull up what he remembered of a friend of his father. He had long forgotten the man’s name, but the memories of his behavior when he came over for dinners, or those handfuls of time had given him advice on the steps of the Morrthault Anathaem of Law while he waited for his father to finish his daily duties, were etched into his psyche. He was a man who didn’t care what others thought of him. He was a man who seemed to intentionally show up late for his duties. He was as unphased by social mores as he was by the violence he had to dole out to criminals. Leiros remembered well the words he spoke to him when he was just a small boy waiting for his father on the Anathaem steps.
“I can see that look in your eye, boy.” The man unfurled his heavy leather coat from around his legs and took up a sitting perch two steps higher than Leiros on the cold stone steps. “You have that same devotion to duty and propriety that your father has. I’m sure you’ll follow his steps and become one of the Filidath as well.”
Leiros remembered looking up at the man whose face was still covered in a long, black hood. The man forced him to look over his shoulder, backward, and up to him on purpose. Even with his empathic abilities budding at such a young age, he recalled how hard it was for him to pick up any emotions from the man. Feeling his mind was like running his hands over cold metal; something he learned to adopt to protect himself later in life.
“Here you wait like a dutiful son. Always here an hour before your father finishes his last bits of paperwork.” The man looked off to the ancient and decrepit spires of Morrthault city for a moment. He looked like he was surveying all the world and finding it wanting. “I don’t know if you’ll end up a bureaucrat like your father, or you’ll choose the more active role that I do in the Law-giver caste.” He patted a gloved hand on the star-metal sword hanging from his belt. “I can see in the way you look at me that you have more spine than your old man. You have the look of a judge who yearns to bring justice to this dying world. You have the look of someone who wants to make others pay for their injustices.”
Leiros remembered looking down at the steps below his feet, turning away from the man as if that could stop him from seeing into his heart. He could still recollect the burning anger he had in him for how his father was treated a few months previous when he was stripped of status and pushed behind a wooden desk. He could once again feel the uncertainty gnawing at his soul when he realized that justice and responsibility weren’t known by all people and that most thought of such as entirely alien concepts.
“You might find this uncouth, but I care for you, boy. Not as much as your father does, nor as much as your mother did before she was taken from this world, but I have concern for your wellbeing. I’ve worked for decades with your father, and although I will never have a family of my own, you and your father are the closest I could ever have to one.” The man shifted in his position and leaned back on the steps while unfurling his legs forward. “I don’t know if you’re old enough to understand what happened to your father. Maybe when you’re older you’ll know what happened and that you shouldn’t hold anything against him. Your father has a kind spirit and has always been dutiful. It is in his sense of uncompromising duty that his weakness was birthed.”
Leiros felt like he wanted to punch the man for saying anything against his father, but despite his youth, he understood that something was wrong. The fact that other members of the Filidath could strip him of his station so easily revealed some sort of weakness that they had exploited. His mind began to race at questions to ask the tall and imposing man slouched behind him. He sucked in air to reply but held his tongue.
“You can learn to bulwark yourself from the cracks of weakness by turning them back on themselves, you know.” The man shifted once more and leaned forward. He seemed like he was looking down at Leiros, but all he could see when he looked up and backward was the side of the man’s hood. “You don’t always have to be the dutiful son and arrive an hour early. You could very well show up late if you wanted to.” The man reached his gloved hands out and began to crack his knuckles loudly.
Leiros didn’t understand how showing up late might guard himself against weakness, the whole thing seemed extremely rude to do to his father. What would happen if his father came to the steps of the Anathaem and couldn’t find him. He could see the look of panic on his father’s face in his mind and the frantic searches he would conduct. Such a situation would cause disharmony, unpredictability, and invited disaster.
“I can taste your skepticism, boy. I can hear the little gears of your mind whirling into a frenzy at all the things that could go wrong.” The man gave a chuckle and shook his head, causing the overdrawn tip of his hood to sway in the air. “You and your father are so obsessed by order and have such a fear of chaos that you can only see the latter as a hungry serpent at your door. You need to be able to understand both elements fully in order to truly be strong.” The man reached out his right hand and began to squeeze his fingers into a fist. “You have to let that serpent into your house, boy. You have to wrestle with it. You have to choke the life from it, master it, and then use it. Order and chaos are like light and darkness; one cannot exist without the other.”
Leiros could feel the tiny muscles of his skull furrowing up in confusion as he looked back at the hooded enforcer of the laws. He still couldn’t see any details on the man’s face from beneath the shadows, but something told him that the man was smiling down at him. It was a strange memory to think of a man as a symbol of uncompromising law, who was as much a protector as an executioner, sitting there and smiling at him.
“Learn to embrace chaos and make it a tool, lest that serpent take hold and poison your future.” The man reached out his left hand to place it upon Leiros’ shoulder. The grip felt cold like metal but offered a deep feeling of protection and ownership. It was a feeling like being cloaked in darkness but not being afraid of it, instead embracing it to become one with it, then extending his senses through it to see all things not just the illusions of light and shadow. “There will be a time in your life that you will be late for your duty. Much as your father was when you were younger. I do hope it won’t cost the lives of the people you care about, but there is a way to master it.” The man leaned forward a few inches so that the cool fabric of his hood grazed Leiros’ cheek like a kiss from the goddess of death. “Act like you don’t care. Be as late as you want to be and make a grand entrance when you get there. People will only make you guilty of the things you feel guilt towards. Know what is important in your heart, but tell the rest of the world to wait for you. Own your fate and never let others unjustly rob you of it.”
Leiros didn’t understand the man’s words when he spoke them so long ago, but in the current context, he could see some of the warning that was meant. Serpents had indeed found themselves inside of Leiros’ house and the cracks of chaos were everywhere. He had focused so long on maintaining order and living his life with honor so that he might constantly prove himself to others, that he had forgotten that chaos is also a source of power. It was precisely through chaos that Master Illena and Master Gwain were gaining influence in the Order while eroding the Grandmaster’s desire for justice.
The words that the hooded man had spoken about taking control over one’s dereliction of duties, seemed flippant all those years ago. Specifically alluding to his father’s lateness that had caused the death not only of his mother but of several thousand innocent people in Morrthault City was hard for him to swallow at such a tender age. For most of his life, he had neglected that memory and found that man’s words worthless. It was only now that he found himself upon a precipice where his duties were being used against him, much like what had happened to his father, that the words held power.
He could feel the terrestrial pull once more upon his body as Qathalla’s talons sunk deep into the rock of the summit below. With a reflexive action, he slid from his saddle while dragging a hand through the great bird’s black feathers. Qathalla crooned and swooped its great head and pushed him forward with one of its tucked wings.
Leiros landed upon the ground several feet ahead and proceeded to dust the Jolashi sands from his robes with one hand and pulled the scarves around his face free with his other. His eyes darted from the young students gathered before him to each of the initiated brothers taking steps towards him with snarls of rage upon their faces.
“Well, no wonder Master Olkva had to abandon his duties for a relaxing vacation in the Athim Glaciers.” Leiros tucked his errant scarves in his robes and narrowed his eyes contemptuously at the two brothers ahead of him. He waited just long enough for one of them to take in a sharp breath to reply and then cut him off to speak once more. “It would seem you two enjoy wasting my student’s time. I had told Master Gwain that the Authvokan tests would begin at two hours past Noon. Here I see a bunch of bored students looking like they’ve been waiting here for hours.”
“Master Leiros, you’re mistaken-” The youngest of the brothers managed to seize upon his voice and step forward with his hands outstretched.
“I’m mistaken? The one who scheduled these tests with Master Gwain and Master Illena over a day ago?” Leiros cocked one of his eyebrows up and began to walk over to the youngest brother with command in his stride. “Are you sure it’s not you who is mistaken?”
“It was Master Gwain who told us to assemble the students before Noon. We only did what we were told to do.” The second brother, much older than the other stood his ground with his arms crossed. The look on his aged and dusky face was nothing more than a set knotted scowls.
“So, it would seem that neither of you can accept your own blame and would instead try to pin all of this on a Master of station like Gwain.” Leiros crossed his own arms over his chest as if mimicking the scowling brother to his right. He gave a short half-snort and chuckle before continuing. “As one of the Masters, I’ll let this slight go for now.” Leiros seemed to look both brothers from toe to face and then back again, sizing them up. “Well, let’s just say there was a miscommunication. I would remind you not to speak ill of those above your station, but I will hold Master Gwain responsible for this. I assure you, I will find out if it was him that caused this mishap and he will be corrected for his behavior.”
The younger brother stopped in his tracks and seemed to bow with deference toward Leiros for a moment. He went quiet as he pursed his lips and lifted both hands up as if in supplication. Leiros shot his eyes over to the other brother and saw the scowl upon his face break for a moment. The older brother closed his eyes slowly, opened them again and gave the slightest of nods. His arms remained crossed in front of his chest, but his shoulders slumped.
“Good. Now I have been told that I will be taking over for Master Olkva and today will be these student’s Authvokan.” Leiros stepped forward and struck a pose that was far more casual than his station should have allowed. He reached out two arms towards the brothers standing before him. He carefully raised his right arm higher toward the scowling man than his left arm towards the younger. This action got the angry brother’s attention immediately and softened his features a bit more. “I would like to be properly introduced to the both of you. We will be working closely together this day and several others into the future.” Leiros allowed a wide grin to spread across his lips and he flashed his teeth at both brothers.
“I am Brother Telomai.” The younger brother took one more step to stand right before Leiros on his left side. “I have served as a celestial cartographer under Master Peloyn. It is good to meet you, Master Leiros.” The younger brother tossed his head to the side to fight against an errant shock of brown hair that had draped over his face. He offered out a bare hand and Leiros eagerly shook it with a hard grasp. “I heard that you are a specialist in the lore and history of Vhaltenesh. Maybe one day we could share a meal and talk about the ancient Morthavi.”
“I assure you it will happen. Any oracle of this Order that understands the wisdom of the ancients is a friend to me.” Leiros gave two downward shakes of Telomai’s hand and then let his hand drop to change his attention over the old man on his right.
“I am Brother Hethras.” The older brother seized upon Leiros’ outstretched hand greedily and took charge. “I used to perform auguries for Master Chaelra until Gwain took up her position when she passed away. I didn't want to keep working under him, so I switched over help Master Olkva.” Hethras seemed to stare deeply into Leiros’ eyes as if trying to analyze his deeper character. Leiros prepared his mental defenses even tighter to prepare for any telepathic onslaught, but within a moment he could see the brother’s face soften. “I may not believe that Gwain made the mistake, but I am quite certain he is guilty of us being here for this long.” Hethras leaned in with his words and let Leiros’ hand drop.
“Well met to the both of you. Now, if you would be as kind as to introduce me to my students so we can get started right away. I know these poor souls have been waiting here for some time. I’m sure their nerves are all a mess because today is the day of their final test.” Both brothers turned on their heels and stepped toward the huddled group of young students before them. Leiros stepped between Telomai and Hethras in as certain a fashion as he could. He flashed his smile at the students who all looked up at him in unison. Leiros gave both brothers a playful slap across their backs and held onto their robes for a moment as they walked towards the students.
Leiros closed his eyes as Qathalla began to beat its wings against the updrafts surrounding the Stohll mesa. He began to construct a new personality out of the same sea of mercury that made up his thoughts. He brought up his mental defenses and wove them into the fabric of this new self. He decided to construct a rakish and devil-may-care sort of personality to keep any of the more telepathically inclined students at bay.
He reached into his own memories to pull up what he remembered of a friend of his father. He had long forgotten the man’s name, but the memories of his behavior when he came over for dinners, or those handfuls of time had given him advice on the steps of the Morrthault Anathaem of Law while he waited for his father to finish his daily duties, were etched into his psyche. He was a man who didn’t care what others thought of him. He was a man who seemed to intentionally show up late for his duties. He was as unphased by social mores as he was by the violence he had to dole out to criminals. Leiros remembered well the words he spoke to him when he was just a small boy waiting for his father on the Anathaem steps.
“I can see that look in your eye, boy.” The man unfurled his heavy leather coat from around his legs and took up a sitting perch two steps higher than Leiros on the cold stone steps. “You have that same devotion to duty and propriety that your father has. I’m sure you’ll follow his steps and become one of the Filidath as well.”
Leiros remembered looking up at the man whose face was still covered in a long, black hood. The man forced him to look over his shoulder, backward, and up to him on purpose. Even with his empathic abilities budding at such a young age, he recalled how hard it was for him to pick up any emotions from the man. Feeling his mind was like running his hands over cold metal; something he learned to adopt to protect himself later in life.
“Here you wait like a dutiful son. Always here an hour before your father finishes his last bits of paperwork.” The man looked off to the ancient and decrepit spires of Morrthault city for a moment. He looked like he was surveying all the world and finding it wanting. “I don’t know if you’ll end up a bureaucrat like your father, or you’ll choose the more active role that I do in the Law-giver caste.” He patted a gloved hand on the star-metal sword hanging from his belt. “I can see in the way you look at me that you have more spine than your old man. You have the look of a judge who yearns to bring justice to this dying world. You have the look of someone who wants to make others pay for their injustices.”
Leiros remembered looking down at the steps below his feet, turning away from the man as if that could stop him from seeing into his heart. He could still recollect the burning anger he had in him for how his father was treated a few months previous when he was stripped of status and pushed behind a wooden desk. He could once again feel the uncertainty gnawing at his soul when he realized that justice and responsibility weren’t known by all people and that most thought of such as entirely alien concepts.
“You might find this uncouth, but I care for you, boy. Not as much as your father does, nor as much as your mother did before she was taken from this world, but I have concern for your wellbeing. I’ve worked for decades with your father, and although I will never have a family of my own, you and your father are the closest I could ever have to one.” The man shifted in his position and leaned back on the steps while unfurling his legs forward. “I don’t know if you’re old enough to understand what happened to your father. Maybe when you’re older you’ll know what happened and that you shouldn’t hold anything against him. Your father has a kind spirit and has always been dutiful. It is in his sense of uncompromising duty that his weakness was birthed.”
Leiros felt like he wanted to punch the man for saying anything against his father, but despite his youth, he understood that something was wrong. The fact that other members of the Filidath could strip him of his station so easily revealed some sort of weakness that they had exploited. His mind began to race at questions to ask the tall and imposing man slouched behind him. He sucked in air to reply but held his tongue.
“You can learn to bulwark yourself from the cracks of weakness by turning them back on themselves, you know.” The man shifted once more and leaned forward. He seemed like he was looking down at Leiros, but all he could see when he looked up and backward was the side of the man’s hood. “You don’t always have to be the dutiful son and arrive an hour early. You could very well show up late if you wanted to.” The man reached his gloved hands out and began to crack his knuckles loudly.
Leiros didn’t understand how showing up late might guard himself against weakness, the whole thing seemed extremely rude to do to his father. What would happen if his father came to the steps of the Anathaem and couldn’t find him. He could see the look of panic on his father’s face in his mind and the frantic searches he would conduct. Such a situation would cause disharmony, unpredictability, and invited disaster.
“I can taste your skepticism, boy. I can hear the little gears of your mind whirling into a frenzy at all the things that could go wrong.” The man gave a chuckle and shook his head, causing the overdrawn tip of his hood to sway in the air. “You and your father are so obsessed by order and have such a fear of chaos that you can only see the latter as a hungry serpent at your door. You need to be able to understand both elements fully in order to truly be strong.” The man reached out his right hand and began to squeeze his fingers into a fist. “You have to let that serpent into your house, boy. You have to wrestle with it. You have to choke the life from it, master it, and then use it. Order and chaos are like light and darkness; one cannot exist without the other.”
Leiros could feel the tiny muscles of his skull furrowing up in confusion as he looked back at the hooded enforcer of the laws. He still couldn’t see any details on the man’s face from beneath the shadows, but something told him that the man was smiling down at him. It was a strange memory to think of a man as a symbol of uncompromising law, who was as much a protector as an executioner, sitting there and smiling at him.
“Learn to embrace chaos and make it a tool, lest that serpent take hold and poison your future.” The man reached out his left hand to place it upon Leiros’ shoulder. The grip felt cold like metal but offered a deep feeling of protection and ownership. It was a feeling like being cloaked in darkness but not being afraid of it, instead embracing it to become one with it, then extending his senses through it to see all things not just the illusions of light and shadow. “There will be a time in your life that you will be late for your duty. Much as your father was when you were younger. I do hope it won’t cost the lives of the people you care about, but there is a way to master it.” The man leaned forward a few inches so that the cool fabric of his hood grazed Leiros’ cheek like a kiss from the goddess of death. “Act like you don’t care. Be as late as you want to be and make a grand entrance when you get there. People will only make you guilty of the things you feel guilt towards. Know what is important in your heart, but tell the rest of the world to wait for you. Own your fate and never let others unjustly rob you of it.”
Leiros didn’t understand the man’s words when he spoke them so long ago, but in the current context, he could see some of the warning that was meant. Serpents had indeed found themselves inside of Leiros’ house and the cracks of chaos were everywhere. He had focused so long on maintaining order and living his life with honor so that he might constantly prove himself to others, that he had forgotten that chaos is also a source of power. It was precisely through chaos that Master Illena and Master Gwain were gaining influence in the Order while eroding the Grandmaster’s desire for justice.
The words that the hooded man had spoken about taking control over one’s dereliction of duties, seemed flippant all those years ago. Specifically alluding to his father’s lateness that had caused the death not only of his mother but of several thousand innocent people in Morrthault City was hard for him to swallow at such a tender age. For most of his life, he had neglected that memory and found that man’s words worthless. It was only now that he found himself upon a precipice where his duties were being used against him, much like what had happened to his father, that the words held power.
He could feel the terrestrial pull once more upon his body as Qathalla’s talons sunk deep into the rock of the summit below. With a reflexive action, he slid from his saddle while dragging a hand through the great bird’s black feathers. Qathalla crooned and swooped its great head and pushed him forward with one of its tucked wings.
Leiros landed upon the ground several feet ahead and proceeded to dust the Jolashi sands from his robes with one hand and pulled the scarves around his face free with his other. His eyes darted from the young students gathered before him to each of the initiated brothers taking steps towards him with snarls of rage upon their faces.
“Well, no wonder Master Olkva had to abandon his duties for a relaxing vacation in the Athim Glaciers.” Leiros tucked his errant scarves in his robes and narrowed his eyes contemptuously at the two brothers ahead of him. He waited just long enough for one of them to take in a sharp breath to reply and then cut him off to speak once more. “It would seem you two enjoy wasting my student’s time. I had told Master Gwain that the Authvokan tests would begin at two hours past Noon. Here I see a bunch of bored students looking like they’ve been waiting here for hours.”
“Master Leiros, you’re mistaken-” The youngest of the brothers managed to seize upon his voice and step forward with his hands outstretched.
“I’m mistaken? The one who scheduled these tests with Master Gwain and Master Illena over a day ago?” Leiros cocked one of his eyebrows up and began to walk over to the youngest brother with command in his stride. “Are you sure it’s not you who is mistaken?”
“It was Master Gwain who told us to assemble the students before Noon. We only did what we were told to do.” The second brother, much older than the other stood his ground with his arms crossed. The look on his aged and dusky face was nothing more than a set knotted scowls.
“So, it would seem that neither of you can accept your own blame and would instead try to pin all of this on a Master of station like Gwain.” Leiros crossed his own arms over his chest as if mimicking the scowling brother to his right. He gave a short half-snort and chuckle before continuing. “As one of the Masters, I’ll let this slight go for now.” Leiros seemed to look both brothers from toe to face and then back again, sizing them up. “Well, let’s just say there was a miscommunication. I would remind you not to speak ill of those above your station, but I will hold Master Gwain responsible for this. I assure you, I will find out if it was him that caused this mishap and he will be corrected for his behavior.”
The younger brother stopped in his tracks and seemed to bow with deference toward Leiros for a moment. He went quiet as he pursed his lips and lifted both hands up as if in supplication. Leiros shot his eyes over to the other brother and saw the scowl upon his face break for a moment. The older brother closed his eyes slowly, opened them again and gave the slightest of nods. His arms remained crossed in front of his chest, but his shoulders slumped.
“Good. Now I have been told that I will be taking over for Master Olkva and today will be these student’s Authvokan.” Leiros stepped forward and struck a pose that was far more casual than his station should have allowed. He reached out two arms towards the brothers standing before him. He carefully raised his right arm higher toward the scowling man than his left arm towards the younger. This action got the angry brother’s attention immediately and softened his features a bit more. “I would like to be properly introduced to the both of you. We will be working closely together this day and several others into the future.” Leiros allowed a wide grin to spread across his lips and he flashed his teeth at both brothers.
“I am Brother Telomai.” The younger brother took one more step to stand right before Leiros on his left side. “I have served as a celestial cartographer under Master Peloyn. It is good to meet you, Master Leiros.” The younger brother tossed his head to the side to fight against an errant shock of brown hair that had draped over his face. He offered out a bare hand and Leiros eagerly shook it with a hard grasp. “I heard that you are a specialist in the lore and history of Vhaltenesh. Maybe one day we could share a meal and talk about the ancient Morthavi.”
“I assure you it will happen. Any oracle of this Order that understands the wisdom of the ancients is a friend to me.” Leiros gave two downward shakes of Telomai’s hand and then let his hand drop to change his attention over the old man on his right.
“I am Brother Hethras.” The older brother seized upon Leiros’ outstretched hand greedily and took charge. “I used to perform auguries for Master Chaelra until Gwain took up her position when she passed away. I didn't want to keep working under him, so I switched over help Master Olkva.” Hethras seemed to stare deeply into Leiros’ eyes as if trying to analyze his deeper character. Leiros prepared his mental defenses even tighter to prepare for any telepathic onslaught, but within a moment he could see the brother’s face soften. “I may not believe that Gwain made the mistake, but I am quite certain he is guilty of us being here for this long.” Hethras leaned in with his words and let Leiros’ hand drop.
“Well met to the both of you. Now, if you would be as kind as to introduce me to my students so we can get started right away. I know these poor souls have been waiting here for some time. I’m sure their nerves are all a mess because today is the day of their final test.” Both brothers turned on their heels and stepped toward the huddled group of young students before them. Leiros stepped between Telomai and Hethras in as certain a fashion as he could. He flashed his smile at the students who all looked up at him in unison. Leiros gave both brothers a playful slap across their backs and held onto their robes for a moment as they walked towards the students.
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