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Saturday 2 June 2018

Episode III - II Radical Acceptance (Shard I)



On Authroc's Wing


II
Radical Acceptance
(Shard I)


The cool and roughly hewn stone of the wall felt soothing against Leiros’ back as pressed up against it. He began to pinch at the bridge of his nose in a desperate attempt to stave off the pain pounding away within his skull. The stresses of keeping his mental defenses up and orchestrated during his meeting with Master Gwain were taking their toll on him.

If there was one form of the Haeth arts that he excelled in, it was that of complicated and defensive uses of telepathy. He absolutely refused to use such abilities offensively to peer into other people’s minds as it went against his own morality and the dictates he knew the founder of his Order had set down almost a millennia ago. Despite his focus and skill, the amount of energy he had to expend for the slightest interplay with others who didn’t restrain themselves in such a way was very high.

He knew full well when he had been informed by one of the brothers studying under Gwain, that he wanted a meeting in his office, he would be under mental interrogation from the first moment. He knew as well, from having to deal with other members of the Order that he would have to create fake layers of emotions and thoughts to feed to Gwain. He would have to protect the vast majority of his mind while leaving some little grottoes of half-hidden thoughts to serve as red herrings. Having to split his mind in such a way was taking its toll on his sanity.

The teaching that Toulam had given him over the years of being his student were pivotal in Leiros being able to protect himself so well. He didn’t just need to defend himself blindly, but he had such a heightened sense of empathy that he could drink up ambient emotions of people around him. This let him use skills of understanding people’s intentions to cater those defenses to each person that might peer into his mind. The nature of his empathic observations were not as intrusive or as piercing as most applications of telepathy. He only picked up what people willingly or inadvertently broadcast about themselves. He then used his own intuition and understanding to piece together who they were and how they operated.

More than the moral dilemma of possessing the abilities to look into others minds and the ethical rules set down by Vhaltenesh in his wisdom, it ultimately fell to Leiros’ fear of using his abilities. Where most of those individuals who would later become oracles uncovered their abilities during their adolescence or during an event of severe stress later in their lives, Leiros had been born with most of his abilities intact. His life had been fraught with alienation and abuse for his strange ability to drink people’s emotions, experience their memories, and his outbursts of telekinetic energy while growing up. As such, he did all he could to restrain his abilities for purely defensive arts while focusing entirely on his more mundane skills of observation, intuition, and academia.

Naturally, he took solace in books more than he did in people around him. People were complicated and often overwhelmed him with the emotional information they broadcast all the time. People were messy with their emotions, they were contrived with the complexes they created in themselves to avoid memories they buried, and they were needlessly fixated on only their own existences. Books, however, were clear and plain, focusing almost entirely on the subject at hand. The authors only wrote down what was absolutely relevant and those few particularities of character that bled through the writing were subdued. The stories and epics set down by the skaldts were pure with subtle intention and a focus on deeds over thoughts. The words and recollections of the dead were hallowed with meaning far more than those of the living.

Leiros took in a long breath of chilled air while letting the fingers he had upon the bridge of his nose flow over his face to rub at the side of his skull. He let the false psyche he had created for Gwain’s satisfaction fall away. He imagined the floating metallic construction he had created slowly crumbling and melting away as it fell back into a sea of liquid mercury inside of his soul. Once the last pieces had finally returned to the sea of his soul, he created a glowing halo of light that lit him from within. He focused on that light and increased its brilliance until he could cover himself with a protective shield against any further telepathic contact.

“Master Leiros.” The words were in a soft and feminine voice that echoed slightly in the long and darkened hallways of the mesa sanctum.

Leiros lifted his head to see who called him by name and saw a young woman of dusky features walking toward him. From what he could see by the flickering light of oil lamps hanging from the ceiling, the young woman wore over-sized gray robes like most of the other oracles. He couldn’t see anything on her that denoted station in the low light. He could see that she had long dark hair, warm brown eyes, and held a sheepish smile on her face.

“We don’t usually see you on this floor. It’s good to see you.” The woman closed to a distance of a few feet away and gave a slight bow with her head. “I see you probably talked with Master Gwain. I hope he didn’t make you feel too uncomfortable.” The young woman smiled more broadly and crossed her arms over her chest, hiding her arms beneath long and heavy sleeves.

Leiros looked from the young woman’s eyes and then to the doorway he had just slammed a moment earlier a few feet away from him. He gave a stifled sigh and adjusted his eyes beneath a long blink. He turned his gaze back to the woman and adjusted his features with a fake sense amusement.

“Not too uncomfortable.” Despite the fake emotion on his face, the words he spoke fell out flatly. His mental defenses roared to life all the more as he noticed the young woman watching his face intently. He prepared himself for another mental onslaught. “Hopefully he doesn’t give you any grief.”

“Only the grief that I deserve.” The young woman giggled to herself to try and cover up the waves of fear that she began to broadcast. “It is good to see you, Master Leiros.” She emphasized her last statement and then began to send out waves of positive energy towards him. Little bubbles of thoughts and feelings began to break over Leiros of past positive memories between the both of them.

Leiros took a moment to run through the memories in his face and try to piece together where he had run into the young woman before. Flashes tore through his mind as he quickly ran through the palace of his mind, searching through the many alcoves and recesses he might have stored her face. As quickly as he began to search, he was able to recall when he had seen her before, which is one of the many thankful gifts he had been born with, having a near eidetic memory.

“It is good to see you again, Sister Kalyna.” Leiros called up a fake smile that strained at the unused muscles of his face. “Thank you for your company over a meal a year ago. Were you able to answer that quandary you mentioned to me?” Leiros paused, looking up for a second, making it look like he was recalling information. “I believe you were wondering if an augury you gave to young Guardian Knight might have influenced his actions to give up his own free will. Was it not a situation of the Ullthosian Paradox?”

“I completely forgot that.” Kalyna’s eyebrows shot up with incredulity at Leiros’ memory as she had obviously forgotten the minutiae of their interaction. A smile still spread across her lips and she gave another laugh. “What I remember, you gave me a lot of insight into that augury. I don’t know what happened after that, though.” She lifted one of her hands up and let her sleeves fall away to reveal an exposed hand. She lightly pressed her right index finger to her lips and then recoiled the finger back to her hand quickly. “I do remember how generous you were with your time and spending those hours with me.”

Leiros fought against the emotions that began to well up in him. He could feel the attraction towards him that Kalyna had. She was clinging to a built-up illusion of a memory that did not entirely correspond to Leiros’ own memory. In the time since their interaction, she had thought often on that brief time shared fondly. She thought that there was some rapport between them and she wanted to follow that into a relationship. He focused the frustration and anger he had towards her into a single clenched fist hidden beneath the sleeve of his robe at his side.

“I’m glad the ideas and companionship I could give to you was worthwhile to you.” Leiros felt his fingernails digging into the flesh of his palm as his face curled and twitched to give the slightest hint of a smile. He tried to emphasize the last elements of his statement, hoping that Kalyna would take the insinuation that it might not be worthwhile to him. He didn’t see her features change, and the feelings emanating from her were still reaching a fevered pitch, so obviously she was blind to his insinuations.

“I apologize for the impertinence, but what brings you to Master Gwain’s office?” The look on Kalyna’s face turned to a twinge of concern and then back to her smile. She thought she was being sneaky by distracting Leiros with a question while taking a few shuffling steps closer to him.

“Gwain informed me that I would be taking over the duties of Master Olkva while he’s away.” Leiros could feel the pain burning up from his clenched fist and let the pressure on his tendons fall away, relaxing his fingers for a moment. He kept his eyes trained on Kalyna’s reaction to his words to see if a flash of recognition would overtake her features. He wanted to see through her emotions if she was involved in Gwain’s large plots. Perhaps the emotions she was sending to him were part of some elaborate plot by Gwain and Illena.

“Oh, that’s odd.” Kalyna scrunched up her face and a blush of red shone from her heavily tanned cheeks. “I thought you were the Master of Lore and were Grandmaster Toulam’s personal assistant.” She ruminated for a moment as her eyes flickered upward and to the right; recalling memories. “You also report directly to Master Illena for duties, right? Surely, she would be the one to inform you of that. Why in the world would my Master have to tell you anything.” She gave another giggle and clutched her right hand to her face as if trying to hold it in. “Technically, Master Gwain is below your station.”

Leiros openly rolled his eyes at Kalyna’s statement, letting his guard down for a moment. He could feel the honesty coming from her when she spoke those words. Technically, she was correct, however, due to his age, the recent appointment to his station, and the responses from the other Masters of the Order it wasn’t nearly that simple.

Although Leiros had managed to earn the respect of the initiates beneath him through his honest actions, and he had a flawless reputation for diligence within the Order, none of that meant a thing. He was not a part of some secretive clique who held the real power and he didn’t have any skeletons hidden in his closet that those with power could use to keep him under control. He was learning quickly that all of the work he had done to earn his place was worthless because the real source of power in the Order was based on the entire opposite of merit.

A wave of concern hit Leiros square in the chest and knocked him out of his internal ruminations. Kalyna was beginning to wonder if she offended him and was recoiling into herself. Worry and embarrassment soon followed her concern as she began to beat herself up emotionally for her statement. Leiros didn’t want her to fret in insecurity, and the waves of unrestrained emotions were getting too much for him.


“I guess I still have to earn my place. After all, if Gwain has information, it’s my job to know it, right?” Leiros tried to carefully pick his words to be self-effacing and present a question to Kalyna to knock her out of her insecurity. “I guess, Master Illena rather talk to Gwain than myself.” He gave a half-hearted chuckle that was more a lame serious of breaths than a laugh.

“I don’t know why Master Illena has it out for you so much.” Kalyna extended her left hand toward Leiros to put it on his shoulder but pulled her hand away quickly. She didn’t know if she was able to touch him due to their social distance and his title. She wanted to make physical contact with him but the trepidation whirling in her emotions won out. “The other Initiates have noticed how she treats you. It must be exhausting to constantly jump through the hoops she and the Grandmaster give to you. I know you do a lot to keep the Order running.”

The words were sickly sympathetic and not entirely true, which made Leiros want to cringe as he heard them. He didn’t think that his duties were too much, and despite the resentment between Illena and himself, he enjoyed the challenges she gave him. He wasn’t one to hide from a challenge or new way to prove himself. If the feelings that Kalyna was now expressing were indeed representative of the other Initiates of the Order, they were given too much slack in their duties. If they had time to gossip about the newest appointed Master and feel bad for him for having to do his job, their priorities might need to be refocused back to how they could benefit each other instead.


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